Monday, July 12, 2004
Dead

I am dead. The paper killed me emotionally and psychologically. I am defeated. I am mentally tired and drained. I don't even know what went wrong. *cries* I studied my stuff thoroughly and .... sigh. How could I fumbled just like that? It was nothing difficult, all pure memory work. I got my DNA stuff all mixed up, I got confused between menstrual cycle and ovarian cycle, I wrote rubbish for Behavioural Science. and God know what else I did in there. I flipped through my notes again, it's all so familiar and yet I screwed up my SAQ. I am hurt. Maybe my hard work wasn't hard enough. Maybe I am not good enough to be a med student. Maybe things would have been better if I read every single word with confidence instead of ..'oh mi gawd.. oh migawd... how am i gonna do this.. i am so gonna fail?' Ever since I entered med school, I became more inferior and belittled. I don't know why ... I don't even know how... I lost all my spirit to study for tomorrow's OSPE. I've never failed any academic papers before. Why do I have to fail this time? Is medicine something I am good at (interests aside). Sigh. What I like doesn't mean what I am good at. I like to dance yet I can't dance. So what's the whole point? *DEPRESSED* Guess I would just have to let it go this time and prepare myself for resit... which is going to kill me so badly since I hate studying the same old thing... (5 times for now?)

..cries...

n-g || 2:11 pm || ||
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