Friday, May 21, 2004
I'm Tired

Yesterday, my father tried to reach me but failed.
Thinking that it was nothing serious, I did not return his call.

Later, I received a message, 'Mum was admitted into the hospital for uncontrolled hypertension. Doc wants to monitor her for 1-2 days.'

I was shocked and stunned. I thought of not going to see her since it was only for 1-2 days. But my conscience would not allow me to; so I packed my stuff and headed to Slow Joes Medical Centre. I don't believe it. How can her pressure shoot up to 180/100. It just doesnt make sense.

For the past one week, I have not been talking to her. I was very angry and disappointed with both of my old folks. How could mum sold April off without even discussing it with me? I still could not accept the fact that I did not get the chance to kiss my dear April goodbye. I didn't want to argue, I didn't want to fight. I was so depressed and silence was golden. For the first few nights, I went to bed crying thinking of April's fate. Is she happy? Is she eating well? Does she miss me? I felt powerless. So powerless that I could not claim ownership of April. I felt that the 'Mum's having severe headache with April. She can't manage her anymore,' was a big lie. I was so stubborn that I refused to accept any explanation by any of my old folks. (Not like they did owe me any but I just could not care more. I was so helpless) April is an unusual pup. She's smart and she knows what she wants. But I had no idea why she didn't like mum (the person who feeds her 3x a day) ... I don't understand ...

Was yours truly the cause of mum's high blood pressure? Was yours truly the reason mum's admission into the hospital? Was she so worried that I would not talk to her again? Did she really buy my words that I don't want to go home anymore?

Mum was complaining, 'haaaaihh... doc say i okay liao. . tomorrow can go back liaoooo.. waste money only stay one night...' (yeah right.. first she wants to challenge medication.. now she wants to proclaim herself as a doctor..) Then she pointed at the IV drip and commented, 'aiyaa..dunno put this for what... you know or not.. sooooo painfullll when the nurse poke it in'I am a bitch. All I could say was, 'yeahhh.. got medicine dun wan take.. next time act smart somemore lahhhh.. the lady next to you 75 yrs old liao still remember to take her pills daily.. not one or two but TWENTY!! look at you laaa..' She gave me her standard reply, 'die ma die lah.. i am ready to got..it's something sooner or later what..' I chose to remain silent because I did not want to end up in a fight with her in the hospital.

I feel uncomfortable in encouraging my mum in all aspects. I feel strange of having to remind my mum to take her medication. Not that she listens but I am still too young for all that. Throughout my 19 years of life, I sort of grew up on my own without having much supervision from my parents. When she finally had the chance to play her role as a mother, I was bitchy enough not to open the door for her. Sigh.

***

She stood up and walked to the bathroom. Not long after she came back, she asked me, 'heyy..how come got blood in the tube wan!?!??!' I checked with the nurse and she told me that it was normal if she did stand up and walk about. One hour later, a quarter of the tube was filled with blood. Out of no where, she wanted to take a bath. I asked the nurse for permission and she gave me the green light. Try helping someone to undress and bathe with the IV drip. It was a challenge for me. Later, the nurse had to change the tube because it was so bloody. As she was resting, she was coughing so badly and the nurses had to come in to change her bed sheet. It was Dad who suggested Lisinopril 10 mg (ACE inhibitor) to the doctor and coughing is one of its side effect. *sigh*

Fell flat on my bed after reaching home.
n-g || 10:29 pm || ||
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