Thursday, April 22, 2004
I'd Rather by Luther Vandross

I thought sometime alone
was what we really needed
you said this time would hurt more than it helps
but I couldn't see that
I thought it was the end
of a beautiful story
and so I left the one I loved at home to be alone(alone)
and I tried to find
out if this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
whoo-oo-oo-oo yeah

And then I met someone
and thought she could replace you
we got a long just fine
we wasted time because she was not you
we had a lot of fun
though we knew we were faking
love was not impressed with our connection they were all lies, all lies
so I'm here cause I found this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
who holds my heart

I can't blame you if you turn away from me, like I've done you,
I can only prove the things I say with time,
please be mine,

Two years ago, I fell in love with this song; immediately after listening to it for the very first time. Why? Because I was so infatuated with Mr Funny Guy who made me laugh like there's no tomorrow. It became more meaningful when the whole world was telling me I deserve someone better. At that time, I knew I didn't want 'someone better.' I just want him. I see beauty in his imperfection. Last night, I managed to listen to it again. Upon reflection, it sounded really stupid of me back then. Nothing changes except I no longer think it's romantic but stupid.

I always thought that the part in bold was so so so so so god damn romantic ...until last night...when I reflect upon my screwy love life now and the past few years.

No way.
I won't spend bad times with you.
I rather spend good times with someone else.
I won't want to be beside you in the storm.
I rather be safe and warm myself.
I won't want to have hard times together.
I rather have things easy apart.

Why should I be patient over something that I hate?
Why should I have faith when you don't even care?
Why should I tolerate your actions when you don't?
Why should I see beauty in one's imperfection?
Why should I demand less than what I should?

No. I am not going to be patient with you.
No. I am not going to have faith with you.
No. I am not going to tolerate your actions.
No. I am not going to see beauty in your imperfection.
No. I am not going to care about you.
Ignorance is bliss and I won't let the small little sweet memories to take over me.

Life is beautiful. I am so not who I thought I was. I am not weak. I am not so que-sera-sera. I am not so going to settle for your "less for more" and pay "more for more" price. I have my pride. I will not cry despite being a cry baby. I know how much I am worth and knowing that makes my life even more beautiful. Someone will appreciate every part of me and I don't need another person to compliment it for the time being!

KAPATA!

n-g || 3:22 pm || ||
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