Saturday, March 20, 2004
Late Grandmother's Funeral

Last Monday, my father drove back to Penang to see his mother because my uncle told him that her condition worsened. He called the doctor to look at her condition and the doctor said that a week would be maximum. She was suffering from edema and technically, it was due to old age. After that, my father drove back in the evening.

The following day at 5.00 pm, my uncle called my father to inform him that my grandmother had passed away. My dad tried reaching me a couple of times but I forgot to deactivate the silent mode on my mobile. Finally, I answered his call and he told me about the news. Yes. I could like hear him sobbing away but I didn't want to burst his ego. He said he wanted to go back alone but I volunteered to accompany him. Unfortunately, he didn't want me to go due to my lectures.

I didn't know what to do. I could not go against my conscience for not attending her funeral. Although I was not close to her, but she was a very nice lady. I had some responsibilities to follow up. I had to collect batch fund/book money and things like that and missing classes for two consecutive days sounded bad. Sigh. Anyway, I made sure everything was in order and I wrote a manual on post-its for my buddy so that she could take over my role for the next two days. Thank you so much Mun Yee. I really owe you big time! After midnight, I sms-ed my father saying that I would follow him back.

Wednesday morning, I drove back from BJ to USJ. Dad was not happy because I reached home around 9.40 am. He could wait no more to go back to Penang and I felt guilty for delaying his journey. I didn't want to say anything because it was definitely not a right time for an argument. Anyway, I drove back to Penang and almost got 'stormed' by a Mitsu Storm. Blind spot I would say but nevermind. We reached penang island at 1.45 pm. After having lunch, we proceeded to the funeral parlour.

Saw my aunts/undes/grandaunts/blah blah blah... I saw my father's cousin and I talked to her for hours. (Yes. I didn't even have a good look at the coffin n things like that) I like her. I met her during my cousin's wedding two years ago. Supposed to meet up with her last year during RiverDance but I was too busy with work in AirAsia. Anyway, she had to listen to me bitch about everything. i.e kiasu people in medical school and blah blah blah. She is one woman whom I look highly upon - knowing how much she's worth and knowing what she wants in life. Wants to achieve more in life. She's a mechanical engineer by profession and yes..she goes to production plant and works till 12-1am when machine fails and things like that. She's also one who has grease stains all over her shirt.. (according to her mother..).. I didn't want to look bad ... so I took folded some paper money for my late grandmother. At first, it looked mutated but it improved with time.

There were three chantings at night. (Taoist Rights) As a symbol of respect, I took the joss sticks and performed all the rights the medium asked to. I know it was wrong to do so because I believe in Jesus! When they asked me to 'pai pai'.. (read: pray pray in hokkien).. I didn't even know what to say. I just put it back into the ceramic holder. How can I be so bold to make exceptions myself? Nevermind on that. I didn't even understand what the guy was yakking anyway. After that, we had to 'kuai tai' in front of the coffin while that guy continued iloherwqeqwieqwejqwieqweqweqwweq away. His robe was in bad shape...many many holes at the back of it .. and there were two holes right beneath his armpit. (Yes.. I know we should be paying attention but then ... it was like taking forever...) My father was standing right behind of him and my dad took the joss stick and poke it at the back of his robe. All of us were laughing away and my grand aunt whacked my dad for that. (just like small little boy)

After the ceremony ended, my father boldly asked the medium (read: con man)..why are there holes on your robe?

Medium: OH.. this one the children do one....very very pai si (translate: naughty) lorrrr...

Dad: Why you don't want to buy new one?

Medium: weqweqwpoeq[weiqeqwebqwjeqweq

Dad: Weh.. you sure ah you chant the correct thing?

Medium: SURE CORRECT LAH.. WHERE CAN WRONG WAN?

Dad: You chant wrongly also we dunno lah.. we oso no understand wad tokking u...

Medium: !@&#(!&@#!&(@#!@&*#&!@*#^!@*#^!@^#!!!!!

At night time, there were some makan session and managed to hear some stories about my father.. where he purposely stole some rambutans from god knows where and the caretaker chased him till his house...after that.. got caning from my grandmother.. it's so funny man to hear that..Chinese are good eaters. They eat in almost every occassion. Wedding/Funeral/Baby's Full oon/Birthdays/Reunions/Farewell Dinner/etc. I didn't realise that until I saw the series "A Taste of Love" where Flora Chan said, "In whatever situation, the best thing we as humans could do is to sit down and have a good meal together." So technically, it's the 'companionship' which matters more and I find it quite true. Half way, there was this man who came crawling into the funeral parlour (next door) crying so loud that it almost drew everyone's attention. Scary man. I thought I only find such scene in movies but never did I know it really happens in real life. Later, Uncle's friends came to play mahjong too I was too tired to question the relevance of mourning and gambling. Went back to my aunt's place which was quite nearby and slept around 1.30 am. Woke up 6.15 am.

During the funeral, there were so much food offerings for the Gods. Yes. These funeral package thing involved specialisation where different people will provide different things. Half way, this man will come in with fruits. SO MANY!!! EVEN GOT PINEAPPLE!!! Half way, another man will drop by to deliver some kuihs... it really smells good man and I really wanted to try so badly. Then, another man will drop by the dishes and roasted stuff. The band was playing all the evergreen oldies because my grandmother loves music. (Why didn't they call the band when she was still alive weh?!?!?!) Not forgetting the lion dance group (minus the lion.. just the cymbals and other stuff) too. Wanted to snap some photos but people were all sobbing away. Didn't want to look too rude. Oh yeah.. my dad and aunt was scolded by some guy from the funeral shop for being too blur.. dad was so mad and wanted to scream at him back but thank god he didnt..We had to walk at the back of the casket for around 30 minutes I think. It was quite a distance. No joke. Under hot sun at 11.30 am, heat stroke is not surprising. I think we contributed lots of paper money along the journey (read: pollution) and thank God the police didnt issue saman or something like that. I realised that we contributed a fair share to traffic jam as well.. since there were only 2 lanes in penang..Then we hopped into a bus to get to the crematorium. We no longer could go inside as they closed the shuttle once the coffin was pushed in. I drove back to KL with my dad after that along with my long lost cousin. He had some office stuff to do. After Ipoh, dad was complaining that I was going too slow and he took over...He drove around 140/150 and my poor heart almost melted.

Anyway, I was never close to this grandmother of mine. She was really a nice lady and according to my father, she never did talk bad/scold anyone. Did that make her not realise how much she's worth? You see, she used to tell my father 'Son, it's okay if you don't come back to visit me. I understand that you
are very busy and blah blah blah. I wouldn't be angry at you.' Yes, I still feel that my dad took that for granted and I told him I wouldn't want to console him on that. He should feel remorseful because I constantly did remind him to go back and visit her. I didn't mind. My mother is a very good example of a
'perfect' daughter-in-law. My grandmother demanded NOTHING from her. My mother did not attend the funeral despite for being the only daughter in law. Sigh. My father used to explain things out to my late grandmother about my mother and all she said was.. 'haih ... nevermind lah..her character is like that
wan.. i wont be angry wan..' Upon reflection, I feel that people will not value you unless you make your stand and know how much you are worth. If I was in her shoes, I would have said, "WHY? I AM NOT HAPPY. I DONT ACCEPT ANY REASONS. WHERE's YOUR RESPECT TOWARDS ME?" that sorta thing. Anyway, it's too early to tell (for me) and it's too late for her (my late grandmother) to make a change. Although my late grandmother is not WEALTHY at all, she's definitely RICH in kindness and may her soul rest in peace.
n-g || 9:47 pm || ||
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